Saturday, March 26, 2011

Another Day and Night Passed

Another day and night had passed and yet I’m still waiting in vain. I’m not sure if I had said enough to change someone’s mind or make that someone agree. Since I don’t receive anything nor hear anything my chance seems running away from me like I had run away from it before.  Yeah, I ran away from it before and I let it pass. I wasn’t sure then and I’m not sure until now either. I was afraid it might change everything that I’m already used to. Anyhow, it still changed and I let it slipped away without knowing. 

All I want to do now is to be honest to myself and give myself a chance. A chance that I took away when I decided and consider other things that I knew is better and right than that. I don’t want to think the circumstances and possible effects that might intervene in my life if I do such thing. I don’t want to consider it as a wrong thing but a part of fate’s plan and a thing that might lead me to freedom of mind and happiness in heart. 

But I am just a human and I’m weak. I can’t think of it and consider it for long. I need to say it now or never. Every day I slowly losing my battle and getting weak. I’m afraid that maybe tomorrow or the other day my perspective of things might change. And my every day struggle might end up to nothing. A day and a night to go and those things might be gone in an instant.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


Every day seems like yesterday to me. From the past week now, I’m struggling for words and how should it be done. Never in my life was I confused and bothered as today. I never expected nor dream that I’ll end up this way. I still wish it never came along. It stayed where it should be and what it should be.

Now it seems like I’m waiting for nothing and maybe chances aren’t made for this. Honestly, if I am given a choice, I won’t choose this. But this is the reality. Turning back and running away isn’t a good choice or else I’ll end up with regrets. I don’t want to chase another pavement when I’m not yet done with this one. 

My heads spinning with words and I can’t catch up. I took deep breaths a lot these days. How can it be this heavy? So much thing in mind that should let go, uttered to someone. 

Now that I’m ready to face the truth, I’m denied. I missed to see the reality because all I believe is what I know was right like what to feel and what to show. I'm ready to slow down and walk down the stairs to hug what suppose to fit in. I failed to understand myself. I go against what I truly feel. As I went along I saw myself pretending and as time went by I saw myself in the end of the road alone. Before, I don’t want to look back although it’s tearing me.  I was afraid that when I look back I’ll see no one there for me.

I have a lot of things to say and confess. It seems opportunities and chances are against me now. I have to bear the pain of keeping these words by myself. I’ll be left alone with actions not showed, questions unanswered and words unspoken.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Strangers in an Instant

I wish people who abandoned me had been thrown away and become strangers in an instant. So that they won’t call my name as if they're truly aware it exists. They won't talk to me as if those mouths of theirs didn’t uttered insensitive words towards me even behind my back. They won’t act as if they really cared. As if no heart was bruised, no tears flowed like rivers and no life was shattered. At least, I would lessen their burdens and ceased them for having hard times in playing a role.

If only throwing those people away would be legal and easy tasks and not that difficult as it is. That would be easy to get used without them eventually like a dumb man. There is nothing to be missed. No song would make you cry and make you remember how wonderful was it to sing with someone or sing that song for you. No events would make you remember those things that you used to do and missed to do so. Even those things do come back, at least just for once and just for an instant. Loneliness won't wake you up either let you sleep. No instances, such biting down your lips to stop yourself from crying and hide in your own solitude. You won't tremble, feels sturdy and feeling pointless.

They would accept it all without hurting you more or putting blame on you  Instead, thanking you for getting out of their lives. For letting them easy to live because of the fact that is, You're not with them anymore. If it happens it would be easy for us to move on and forget. No more sentiments and runaways. And after that you don't have anything to do with what goes on to them and won't affect you at all.

Those are the hardest thing for me and impossible things I could do. I’m not perfect and sentimental overwhelm me sometimes. Past events come to mind and feeling like I've reverted back to the old pain. And it seems like it just happened yesterday.

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Place I Call Home

I spent almost the 24 years of my life here in this place I called home. We moved here since my father started to work in a government institution. I was not born yet that time.  But I got enough time and still have the time to build memories that I will bring sometime in a distant land.

In this place I first learned and had my first time experiences as a child. Here I learn how to make friends, play different kinds of games and accidentally hurt myself without regrets. I imagined or remembered myself running around, chasing friends or hiding in some places.  We looked for fruits and ate on the trees.  I remember when I climbed in a tree until I reached the peak. It felt so wonderful and fulfilling. That is why I won a price of sermon from my parents.  That’s one thing I love about this place, it is blessed with trees especially fruit trees, vegetables and the air is fresh.

One thing I love most of this place is this is where our family started to dream and plan for our future. This is where my parents established a good life for us. They gave us good environment to grow up with.
Someday maybe before the year ends we might leave this place. Thinking of it made me sad. It’s hard to leave a place like this, a special place. I knew from the start that some time in the near future or eventually we might leave this place soon.  A fact that I should accept since nothing lasts forever.  That’s why we have the so-called memories. I will never ever forget this place. This is the place where I enjoyed my youthful years. 

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My Writing Experience

I love writing and I started writing when I was younger. Before, I don't like other people to see my works except those who knows me.  All of it was about my personal life I don't want to get judge from my writings. They might misunderstand me because they don't know about my whole story. And I'm not confident that I am good in writing. So I kept them unread by many.

There came a time a friend told me about a site he joined where he can submit his compositions and at the same time earn even just a little. He encourages me to do so and I thought of it. I thought it's time for me to come out of my shell. It’s time to be open. So I change my conceptions in life and give myself a chance and an opportunity.

I joined and wrote my first article last January 10. I had different kinds of emotions in my writing experience here in Triond. My first article was my experiment how Triond will work.  I wonder how viewers and readers will absorb and understand my compositions and how will they react about it. I saw the number of my views, I felt glad. Then, I published another composition that adds the number of my views. And for the first time I received comments from viewers who were perfectly strangers. I felt wonderful and I was very very glad about it and about them. So, I thank Triond for healing me from being blind. Sharing and being open is not harmful at all. It felt so good to share your feelings and knowledge and anything under the sun. And I thank my friend for showing me the way.

Now I publish more and more articles and poems as I can. And I get more and more views, comments and friends too. I learn a lot from reading different articles from different kinds of people.  Sometimes I even consider their suggestions. I’m thankful I found Triond. 

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